ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
