Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Someone shattered a urinal.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
