Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
