Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
