I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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