It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
