Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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