OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
