I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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