Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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