he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
