He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
