The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
