so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I love you.
Bad choice
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
