Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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