thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
