he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
