She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
