the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
