I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
