i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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