He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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