it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
