K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
