I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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