I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
