hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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