I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
