it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
