I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
