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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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