and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
