found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
