i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
