Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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