So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
