Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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