So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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