so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
