I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
