i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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