I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
