I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
