hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
