i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
