Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
