you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
