The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
