it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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