I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
